Falling Down

slippedOops, I did it again.

Yesterday, I fell down hard.  It probably looked like the above image a bit. Except for, instead of a banana peel, it was this neat plastic foot scrubby thing which is usually in my shower.  My kitty decided it would be fun to chase around the house, so instead of it being suctioned to the bottom of my shower, it was upside down on my tiled floor.  In the dark, going from one room to the next my right ankle turned under and I landed on my left arm, slamming into the wall and floor.  Today, I can’t even….anything.  I keep crying, it’s nearly 2pm and I’m not sure if I’m fighting normal computer problems (Chrome keeps killing pages, I download a Chrome Cleanup Tool for 15 minutes and it has no fix. *!$%# ) or if it’s the fact that every inch of my body hurts that I can’t concentrate.  When you fall down, you get back up.  Enjoy the ability to do so, cause as you get older, it gets harder and harder.  When I feel like this, I think of all of the healthy stuff that I “should” do.  Eat salads every day, lose weight so when stupid stuff like this happens it doesn’t take so much out of me.  I used to bounce back from stuff so easily.  In my early 20’s, I got hit by a car while biking and I literally got back up and walked home (my bike bit the big one though).  Maybe that’s why I can’t anymore.  I still haven’t found the scrubby thing, though.  It went flying when I slipped and I haven’t seen it since. It’s still out there, in my kitchen, somewhere, waiting for me to heal and forget, the cats will find it and….boom. Here I go again.

jawsThe shark is an innocuous scrubby thing from the dollar store, somewhere in my house.

I decided to go lie down and sleep it off. I thought soothing music might help, so I turned on the tablet by my bed, put the Youtube on, reloaded the Youtube after it closed for no reason, signed back into my account, tapped the “music for relaxation” link, listened to a friggin’ commercial, the music starts, it buffers, starts again, buffers, again, stuttering almost…..!!!!%$$%$*^#

I am gripping my sheets, gritting my teeth, afraid to move because I am fighting the urge to chuck the f*&^&^$^$#^ tablet across the room.   I am thinking of all of the hours and days of troubleshooting the stupid thing for it to still not work and think, “You know, it may be satisfying.  I paid about $60 for the thing but I only would have one shot at destroying it. I’d have to make it count.”  I’m thinking about the room next to mine, where I keep my tools and envision my hammer in my hand smashing that thing to bits.  What was wrong with audiotapes?   They worked perfectly well.  Cd’s always get messed up. My cd player hasn’t played a cd successfully in years.  I miss music.  I start to think about the Amish and how they have never known this b.s.  I think of some island off Scotland, where I could go off grid and never be heard from again.  The need to fling the tablet is subsiding.  It’s not that important, just disappointing.  Like life.  I rammed my fist into the tablet, remarkably it didn’t break. My hand now hurts, great. My hand hurts, along with everything else, and I miss music. I’m going to sleep now and dreaming of living like the Amish, or at least back in the 80’s when I had decent music options.

lancaster_county_amish_03

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